A little anger left

I filled the space you left
With bricks and rocks and rubble
I fully feel the weight
Of this heavy, painful bubble.
I fill my days the same
With tasks that eat up time
Hoping to wake one day
Not caring, feeling fine.
In truth I want sleep all day
And then to sleep all night
Pretending that I'm happy
Just feels like a fight.
I want it gone from me
Your existence in my heart
To pretend we never knew
Well that would be a start.
Not saying as a solution
It's perfect, not a bit
Just that with you gone
I could climb out of this pit
But then I think of days
When you messaged or you rang
And many old wounds were healed
Perhaps that was the divine plan.
So if you came to fix some stuff
I guess I owe my gratitude
It's the other things you broke
Though that caused my attitude.
See, it's not that I'm not thankful
Of the gifts you gave so free
It's just a costly one right now
As the bill was sent to me.
Maybe it was an oversight
And you left your credit card
Or maybe I misheard the deal
And that's what makes this hard!
And maybe you miss me too
Or the dreams you had for us
Maybe you also feel crushed
Underneath this stupid bus.
You know the one, you drove it
Roughshod on both our hopes
And yet it feels to me
I'm the only one left who copes.
I suppose a part of me is thankful
You are weak, I thought you strong,
But you let you friends guide you
It didn't even take that long!
In future I'll fix myself
I cannot bear more weight
And want to be filled with love
Not anger and self hate.
So thanks again for everything
I wish you well in love
It's just I kind of wish right now
That you're shit on from above.